When our twins were born, all of a sudden we had 4 kids under 4 years olds! Now, the twins are nearing 3. There are no diapers, high chairs, play yards, bottles or gates in our house anymore! I feel as though we are approaching a new phase…and all I can think looking back is…Holy Shit! What was the last 3 years!?! A lot of it is a blur, it’s been absolute madness..and we’ve basically been in survival mode the entire time!
This post contained affiliate links. To read the full disclosure click here.
The moment we found out we were having twins shit got crazy, real quick.
When we first realized I was pregnant for the third time we were like…ok, we always thought there’d be a third one, it was less than 2 years since I was pregnant last, I had plenty of prenatal vitamins, I had 2 great pregnancies already…we got this! That’s usually when the universe throws you a curve ball, right? I wasn’t even in a rush to see the my Dr. And the thought of twins never, ever crossed my mind! By the time I had my first ultrasound (where we found out it was twins) I was over 11 weeks pregnant already!! And then they were born more than 5 weeks early. It felt like the shortest pregnancy ever…and then they were here.
Our preemie twins arrived in a rush
Our twins were preemies. They spent 9 days in the NICU. In those 9 days we managed to visit our boys in a hospital that was 45 minutes away, with a 3 year old and 2 year old, every single day. Sometimes we found someone to watch our older 2 but sometimes we didn’t.
To read more about our NICU story click here.
That first week was crazy!
With the back and forth to the hospital. The pumping and nursing. The guilt of leaving the twins every day. Healing from a c-section. Dealing with 2 toddlers in a waiting room for an extended period. And then taking care of those 2 toddlers at home, who demanded, and needed, a lot of attention. It wasn’t their fault I was exhausted…physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. They needed their mommy too. And really, all they needed was snuggles and stories, mostly. There was a lot changing for them too and I’m sure they felt the stress of everything that was going on. They just needed me and, to be completely honest, it was nice to have them to distract me from what we were missing.
like wild animals locked up in a waiting room
Their first time seeing Mommy after the twins were born 
How much did this kid miss his Mommy! I realize how terrible I look here, it’s almost as terrible as I felt, but the love in this pic still makes me smile
The Twins are released
When we got the call that the twins could come home we literally ran out the door. Literally. We left all our stuff at home…diaper bag, extra blankets, extra clothes, a going home outfit..all of it. We totally ran out the door without any of it, we were just so excited! I panicked and made my husband stop at a Walmart to pick up a diaper bag, diapers, wipes, etc., lol. As if we needed it, we had so much stuff at the NICU like blankets, hats and extra clothes, plus the staff stocked us with diapers and anything else they could! We didn’t need anything anyway.
Our twins were home, and we were a family of six. But, within 48 hours Lennon was back in the NICU. To read more about our NICU story click here
Lennon would spend 3 more weeks in the NICU.
We had 1 twin home and 1 stuck in the NICU. I don’t know what’s worse, having them both there or split like this. It was hard. I was still trying to breastfeed, so along with nursing Logan there was constant pumping to make sure I had enough milk to bring to Lennon and to make sure I continued to make enough milk for twins!
Back to sleepless nights – reality with 4 kids under 4
And now that Logan was home, that also meant sleepless nights with an infant. He was up a few times a night. Then Calli (3) and Nolan (2) were up before 7 am (and occasionally still woke up through the night). I think I mentioned “survival mode” earlier. That was how we managed. We were just trying to survive each day. And doing our best to make sure everyone was taken care of, fed, cleaned, and loved. While managing the daily trips to the hospital to visit Lennon.
It was all so draining and exhausting that I eventually stopped breastfeeding. I had done it as long as I could and I had done the best I could. It was disappointing for me but I knew it was the right thing for me and my family. And I’ll be completely honest, taking that mental and physical pressure off definitely helped some.
Still, I kept thinking once Lennon was home things would be easier. Without that driving back and forth and being stuck at the hospital every day, it would have to be better. Then, finally Lennon was released from the NICU.
This family of six was back together!
While it was definitely better to have everyone home and healthy, I realized pretty quickly nothing was going to make this easier.
The reality of having 4 kids under 4 is, probably how you would imagine, chaos. Utter chaos. It’s someone’s always needing you. It’s someone’s always crying. It’s someone’s always hungry. Its someone’s always thirsty. It’s someone always has a dirty diaper or has to use the bathroom. Its constantly preparing meals or snacks and then trying to do dishes in a sink overflowing with bottle and sippy cup pieces.
Its super long days that end up being crazy fast weeks. There is so much going on at once! All at the same time, we were registering and preparing our daughter for pre-k. We were potty training our older son. We were struggling to find meals that our picky toddlers would actually eat. All while closely monitoring how much our preemie twins ate and how much weight they were gaining. Making sure they got enough tummy time. And, of course, trying to get them on a good nap schedule. By the end of every day I felt like I had gone through battle!!
“I don’t know how you do it!”
People were ALWAYS saying “I don’t know how you do it!” Thruth bomb…I have no fucking clue and I still end every single day wondering how the hell we didn’t end up in the ER.
Making it all even a little more difficult is that my husband works nights. Trying to get through dinner, bath and bedtime all by myself was difficult in those early months.
Its basically a juggling act in some crazy circus.
The twins ended up getting their baths in the kitchen sink most nights, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just had never done that with my first 2. But now, it was easier to do it there while Calli and Nolan played or watched TV, so I could still keep an eye on them. Sometimes I’d be wearing one twin in a carrier and bathing the other in the sink. In times like these, you learn real quick, you gotta do whatever works.
The struggles of 4 kids under 4
Then trying to bath the older 2 and keep the twins content was another struggle. Bouncey seats and swings were helpful for those times. But you know there were times that just did not do the trick.
There was a time I had Nolan in the tub, Logan was content in his swing but Lennon was not happy in his bouncey. I was forced to pick him up. I tried to soothe him in my arms while I watched Nolan in the tub, trying to keep him from flooding the bathroom. Then Calli comes in demanding a snack…immediately! She’s starving, she says. She’s crying and whining.
Frustration.
Frustration from the crying baby in my arms. Frustration from Nolan continuing to splash water everywhere. Frustration from my 3 year old picking this moment to cry for a snack. I couldn’t hold it together, I felt myself about to break. But I yell more than I like and in effort not to yell with this baby in my arms…I kicked my foot through the wall instead. It’s not something I’m proud of and was totally a pain in the ass to fix. And that patched wall went over 2 years without being painted over. But it was better than yelling at everyone, right?
And that’s life as parent.
No one can really prepare you for how much those little beings you created will actually need you and how constant that need is. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing or feeling. Whether you’re in the bathroom, or trying to make an important phone call or (God forbid) having a meal…if you feel sick, or are hurt…they don’t care, you are their world and all they know is they need you! Now! But, I also know that no one will ever need me the way these kids have in the last 3 years, and that, I will probably miss at some point.
So, the sooner I realized to just give in to whatever they need and let other things go…the happier we all were. Yeah, the mess, loads of laundry, dirty dishes (and so on..) drove me nuts but if these munchkins want me to snuggle them in the recliner or one of my older kids wants to color or play a game, I do my best to put the other crap on hold, when I can. Its not always possible but when it is I really try to be present and enjoy this time.
Also, the sooner I realized we were going to be spending a lot more time at home the better off we were. With our first 2 kids we went anywhere! I kinda didn’t realize that would not be the case with 4 kids. Day trips, sporting events, festivals, a beach trip…all of these things became nearly impossible now. With 4 kids, including newborn twins…everything we did, any where we wanted to go, became way more complicated. We still managed a few fun day trips, but it was a lot getting them all out of the house for a day! So much packing and preparing! Oh and babysitting? Getting babysitting requires all 4 grandparents and a massive amount of planning!
So, I gave into it all.
I gave into the fact that there was no way I was going back to work anytime soon, even with the huge financial stress that came with that. I gave into the fact that we would be stuck in this rental for the foreseeable future because of that. I gave into the fact that I was now a snack bitch for these tiny humans for the foreseeable future. I gave into the fact that I would sacrafice my sleep, my sanity, and my body for these little people. I gave into the fact that I would be home with these kids everyday, most of the time actually at home, in the house…and you know what, I was damn lucky to be home with them!
Because it goes so fast!
I know, I know, everyone says that. But it’s true!! Of course, there were moments over these last 3 years that felt like they would never end. There were plenty of days that brought me to tears, when the frustration and pressure got the best of me (like when I kicked my foot through the wall). But we made it through and we made it work. And there is no doubt in my mind that the wonderful memories far out weigh the bad.
And here we are at the threshold of a whole new crazy phase! No more dirty diapers, no more gates at the stairs, and we are about to get rid the twins’ cribs…and part of me already misses my little helpless babies hanging all over me. Ehh, who am I kidding, they still hang all over me 😁 Either way, I’m excited for whats to come for our family. So stay tuned on the blog to see all the fun this next phase brings!!
